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Solo Soul – what it means to be one and where to go from there

Solo Soul… what does Solo Souls really mean?

I was wondering what “Solo Soul” means to you so I sent a survey asking you that question a while ago. I received a variety of responses (thank you!) and that was really wonderful, showing how we are in many different places and how each of the places where we are has a potential for expansion and growth.

So I wanted to share some of these responses with you and comment a little bit about them. Please don’t take it as personal coaching for the person who has sent any given response because, obviously, that would be very, very superficial; I don’t want to do that. But I believe that each response is something that will resonate with many people and I hope that these comments will shed a little bit of light on it, show some opportunities for growth / expansion in each case.

Solo Soul: Here’s how you experience it

So I have some of your responses here and the first one says,

“Most of my life is spent alone.”

This is such a wonderful response in that it reminds us that the experience (of spending your life alone), can be… anything!

As an example, I have spent most of my life alone, and spending it alone the first twenty, thirty years (until I turned forty something) was a very challenging experience. It was very lonely much of the time; it was very hard, very painful, and I had no idea how I could move forward or where I would be. I certainly didn’t imagine I would be where I am today!

Where I am today is a complete opposite of the above: I am spending most of my time alone still, but with great joy, with great pleasure, with a great sense of fulfillment and contentment and last but least, by choice! Back then, it did not feel as choice at all…

So that’s really the Solo Souls journey in a nutshell: It can be anything! It can be the utmost pain and isolation, it can be the deepest joy and bliss and it can be everything in between – and it is.

Plus, you can be a Solo Soul even when you do not live alone. As someone wrote:

“I am married, but I consider myself a Solo Soul.”

And again, this could be experienced in various ways:

There are many people that live with someone else, live in a partnership or in a marriage, but even if they share their daily life with each other, there’s not so much connection on the emotional or spiritual level, and that leaves you with a sense of being very alone, even if apparently you’re “together”.

But there’s also a completely different way of being a Solo Soul when you are married and in a partnership: You can have a very intimate relationship with the other person, and yet you know at the very core of your being you are a Solo Soul. Even if you can share with another person, at the end of the day, you are alone.

And again, you can bring all kinds of feelings into this, all kinds of awareness.

Now, when you are with another person, when you are in a relationship, there is a fantastic opportunity to mirror yourself in the other person. One of the ways you can do that is by seeing the other person as a mirror of the aspects of yourself that you’re not aware of, or that you need to integrate more.

But you can also see the relationship with another as a mirror of the relationship you have with yourself. If you experience a distant relationship with another person, there are good chances that at some levels, there is also a distance between you and you, and in that case, there’s great potential in deepening the relationship with you and, with that, also deepening the relationship with the other person.

Here’s yet another experience of being a Solo Soul:

“Solo Soul means enjoying your time alone, enjoying your company, not feeling inferior because of it.”

And that is so important, too. I remember when I was in this very lonely phase how inferior I also felt.

But even as I, at some point, moved through some layers of it and didn’t feel that lonely, but still felt alone, so to speak, and even when that stopped being a problem, I still could feel inferior because I was alone.

I’m sure you’ve experienced that at some point: When you go to a party and everyone else seems to be part of a couple, and you’re the only person alone. For some reason that is then being experienced as less worthy, less valuable, less than being with someone else. Which obviously is nonsensical! but this is how we can feel for a lot of “great” reasons.

And again, this is something that can be transformed, as has been the case here.

“Sometimes complete oneness, sometimes separation, even if intellectually I understand that we are all one.”

Perhaps you’ve experienced that too? Perhaps you had these glimpses of everything being One and you being one with everything and everyone; these moments of complete bliss; transcending the physical reality where everything appears separate and then having this very strong experience of Oneness.

If you have experienced that, you have probably also experienced that it didn’t last! That you were kind of thrown back into the universe of separation and with that, the experience of separation would become stronger, really, because you have something to compare with.

In many, if not most cases, for most of us, there’s a long, long period of time where you go back and forth and back and forth between the experience of oneness and the experience of separation and also various degrees of it.

And then, at some point, there comes a time when you’ve had so many experiences of oneness that you have been convinced of the reality of it, but you’re still not there, emotionally; you’re still not there with every cell of your body and your soul.

So you know, intellectually, that we are all one and yet you cannot feel it! — and that’s just a stage of the journey… Obviously there is expansion there possible into a greater and greater experience of oneness.

There have been people who do it by kind of leaving their body behind, leaving the so-called normal human life and isolating themselves in a cave somewhere and having this enormous experience of oneness…

And there are other people, more and more of them nowadays, that do the opposite, that seek the spiritual expansion while living a life here on earth and that experience is quite different from the one above.

You find out that you can actually experience more and more oneness, and at the same time, experience more and more the physical body, the physical world, the so-called world of separation. So you experience those differences, these variations, but you do not feel as separated.

Maybe almost as a reminder of the great variety of the experience we can have as Solo Souls, here’s the opposite one:

“It’s not a good thing. I have worked through my grief, but I don’t want to be alone.”

Obviously this comes from deep pain, which I feel I understand… because I’ve been there, I have experienced loss more than once, I have been very alone, I have been grieving. And I also do know and have been in these places where even if you don’t grieve anymore, there’s the experience of emptiness.

With the fullness that you have experienced with another person, even if it wasn’t ideal, there was this connection – and all of a sudden it’s broken and it’s like having part of you cut off. So you grieve. But even when you stop grieving, there is this emptiness; nothing has replaced that empty space, that missing part of you.

And from there, there is naturally, often, a longing to recreate what you have experienced before, to experience that sense of belonging with another person. You don’t want to be alone; you want to be with another.

There are, again, so many ways in which you can move through it, but in a sense there are also just these two:

Filling the emptiness with a new relationship with someone else:

One way– and that happens for some people– is that you kind of live through that period where you feel alone and at some point you actually do meet someone. While you cannot recreate the same sense that you had with the lost relationship, you can create a new one which is equally fulfilling and valuable.

However, this new relationship is, almost by design, endangered by the same “law of life” as the previous one, in that loss is part of life. You cannot count on life staying the same and you cannot count on the new relationship continuing forever. That in itself is painful. And it also becomes part of the relationship as such: there’s a fear of loss, a fear of experiencing that loneliness and that grief once again.

So another way of moving from that place where you no longer grieve, but experience this emptiness, is

Filling the emptiness with a new relationship with yourself:

Here you continue into a deeper relationship with yourself first, so that– and that is absolutely possible! – you experience a similar (because again, it’s never the same) sense of belonging, of joy, of fullness, of wholeness with yourself, alone.

The good thing about this (among other good things) is that you can never lose it again; once you have found it, it will deepen and it will widen, but you can never lose it again.

And with that, you can then go out and create relationships with other people also, equally fulfilling, equally beautiful, but no longer with that fear of loss, because you know that there is this one fundamental relationship with yourself that will always be there with you.

The last one that I wanted to quote here is this,

“We are all Solo Souls and we are each travelers on a journey that is unique to each of us.”

I so resonate with this…. Well, I resonate with all of the statements above because I’ve been through all stages of this journey but this one makes so much sense regardless of where you are on this journey.

We are unique; we have so much in common and we are still unique, and so is each and every journey.

The good thing about it (among other good things) is that it doesn’t mean that you have to be isolated on the journey; it doesn’t mean that you are alone in that sense. You have still people around you to inspire you, to support you. People that have each their own journey, yes, but you can learn from other journeys, too.You can get inspired by other journeys, too, and you can find support in other journeys, too.

So to me, a Solo Soul, ultimately, is:

Someone that prefers, or enjoys very much, living alone and being alone, but at the same time, feels very connected with other people. Someone who is very connected with their soul, but also very connected with their world. There is enormous potential and enormous joy in that!

On that note, I wanted to mention that I will continue working on resources that can help you on your journey from loneliness to joy, wherever you are on that journey. I am working on a webinar that I hope I will be able to share with you relatively soon. and eventually there will also be an extensive program that will be a multi-month Journey from Loneliness to Joy. It may take quite some time before that is actually ready, but I wanted you to know that it’s in the making and it’s coming.

And in the mean time, there’s, of course, this blog where we will continue having a conversation, I hope, and there are the tools here and other options, such as coaching.

Thank you so much, all of you that have responded to this and to other of my questions along the way!

Likewise, if you have any questions or any feedback, share them with me below. Always know that whatever you experience, as unique as you are, there’s also someone else that is experiencing it. So when you share it and we get a chance to respond to it, it is of inspiration and support to you hopefully, but also to many others.

Thank you!

2 comments… add one
  • J-Ryze January 31, 2016, 4:10 pm

    Being alone and feeling lonely are deep topics, especially for North America, and I’m glad to see someone addressing them.

    As someone who’s gone from the most popular guy around to a homeless, drifter, lonewolf type… I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

    • Halina January 31, 2016, 8:14 pm

      Hi Jason,

      Thank you! It’s an honor to have you here. I really mean that!

      I have no doubt that the day will come when wherever you are now will turn out to have been a perfect piece of the puzzle. As has been the place you where before. :-)

      Maybe that’s what life is, huh? a puzzle – falling into place and expanding, falling into place and expanding… :-)

      Wishing you my very best on your journey,
      Halina

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