When you feel all alone and lonely, and when it looks like it will never change (it can be such a convincing feeling, even if it’s not true)… when you feel defeated and hopeless … how do you move forward?
If you’re like most people, you try to figure it out by asking questions. Important questions (that’s how they feel) even if not necessarily helpful.
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Why doesn’t anyone want me around? Why do I have to be alone when everyone else seems to have a family, a spouse, friends? Why do they turn their back on me?”
Asking these questions rarely gets you anywhere, except perhaps deeper into the pain, into the dark of the night, into an experience of powerlessness. It’s a downward spiral, and at the end of it there is this fundamental: (cry more than a question)
“What is wrong with me? Why am I not loved?”
And right behind that there is a terrible suspicion (even if it’s not true) and the worst of all possible answers:
“Because I don’t deserve love. Because I’m worthless. Because I’m cursed. Because. It can never change.”
When you’re ready, going there may turn into one of the most transformational experiences in your life. But until then:
Why do we even ask these useless questions?
Perhaps because we are wired this way. We are these strange animals, hungry for meaning. As if our life depends on it.
Perhaps it really does?
“Suffering in and of itself is meaningless.” Viktor Frankl Man’s Search for Meaning
We want to, we need to understand the meaning of what happens, and why it happens the way it does.
Unless there is a meaningful and fair explanation, we cannot accept pain.
The problem is that not every explanation is meaningful. Not every question makes sense.
There is no meaningful answer to a meaningless question.
If you asked me “What is wrong with me” the only way I could answer would be:
Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you. And you are loved.
I also know that for as long as you cannot feel it, a reassurance like the one above will appear useless too, like empty words. So:
Let’s try something else
Because there is a way out of meaningless questioning. What it takes is that you decide that you want to take that road. That you’re going to change your ways, just a little.
You don’t have to change yourself. But you have to change your relationship with yourself – and the questions you’re asking.
So that you can find answers that will help you get where you want to be. So that you can travel from loneliness to joy.
Obviously, it’s not a journey that you make overnight. It is a process. It may take a long time. It may take a lot of inner work. It may require help. But it can be done. You can do it, one step at a time.
Here are 2 steps that you can take now
Step 1. Start asking different questions
Step 2. Stand by yourself
Here’s how exactly:
You see, what Victor Frankl realized in the midst of hell, is that if we can give ourselves a reason that inspires us to keep on going (a meaningful reason, not a meaningless explanation), then it will lead us out of suffering and into joy.
It’s not a psychological theory. It is a real possibility. It is a path that you can take, one step at a time. Or maybe 2 steps. :-).
Please share your thoughts and the inspiration with friends, in the communities you’re part of, on social media and in comments. Someone out there will be glad you did! Thank you!