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Which questions are worth asking (and which are not)

Which Questions  are worth AskingWhen you feel all alone and lonely, and when it looks like it will never change (it can be such a convincing feeling, even if it’s not true)… when you feel defeated and hopeless … how do you move forward?

If you’re like most people, you try to figure it out by asking questions. Important questions (that’s how they feel) even if not necessarily helpful.

“Why is this happening to me?”

“Why doesn’t anyone want me around? Why do I have to be alone when everyone else seems to have a family, a spouse, friends? Why do they turn their back on me?”

Asking these questions rarely gets you anywhere, except perhaps deeper into the pain, into the dark of the night, into an experience of powerlessness. It’s a downward spiral, and at the end of it there is this fundamental: (cry more than a question)

“What is wrong with me? Why am I not loved?”

And right behind that there is a terrible suspicion (even if it’s not true) and the worst of all possible answers:

“Because I don’t deserve love. Because I’m worthless. Because I’m cursed. Because. It can never change.”

When you’re ready, going there may turn into one of the most transformational experiences in your life. But until then:

Why do we even ask these useless questions?

Perhaps because we are wired this way. We are these strange animals, hungry for meaning. As if our life depends on it.

Perhaps it really does?

“Suffering in and of itself is meaningless.” Viktor Frankl Man’s Search for Meaning  

We want to, we need to understand the meaning of what happens, and why it happens the way it does. 

Unless there is a meaningful and fair explanation, we cannot accept pain.

The problem is that not every explanation is meaningful. Not every question makes sense.

There is no meaningful answer to a meaningless question.

If you asked me “What is wrong with me” the only way I could answer would be:

Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you. And you are loved.

I also know that for as long as you cannot feel it, a reassurance like the one above will appear useless too, like empty words. So:

Let’s try something else

Because there is a way out of meaningless questioning. What it takes is that you decide that you want to take that road. That you’re going to change your ways, just a little.

You don’t have to change yourself. But you have to change your relationship with yourself – and the questions you’re asking. 

So that you can find answers that will help you get where you want to be. So that you can travel from loneliness to joy.

Obviously, it’s not a journey that you make overnight. It is a process. It may take a long time. It may take a lot of inner work. It may require help. But it can be done. You can do it, one step at a time.

Here are 2 steps that you can take now

Step 1. Start asking different questions

Step 2. Stand by yourself

Here’s how exactly:

Download Questions Worth Asking

You see, what Victor Frankl realized in the midst of hell, is that if we can give ourselves a reason that inspires us to keep on going (a meaningful reason, not a meaningless explanation), then it will lead us out of suffering and into joy.

It’s not a psychological theory. It is a real possibility. It is a path that you can take, one step at a time. Or maybe 2 steps. :-).

Please share your thoughts and the inspiration with friends, in the communities you’re part of, on social media and in comments. Someone out there will be glad you did! Thank you!

4 comments… add one
  • Serenity May 6, 2015, 7:53 am

    Hi Halina. Thanks for this, it has helped me to see again that my ‘faulty thinking patterns’ have been a big cause of all my problems lately and (as suggested above) I am now trying to change my relationship with myself and change the questions that I had been asking myself, eg. instead of “Why are my family always taking advantage of me?” (which was making me feel more miserable and unloved and bad about myself) I changed the question to “Where would my family be without me? ” (to my surprise, I instantly felt better!).
    This method also worked in turning round how I been perceiving myself and of how I have been so self critical lately (eg. in terms of low self image etc.) So instead of “Why am I losing all my good looks?” (due to natural aging ) I changed my question to “Why wouldn’t anyone be attracted to me now?” By combing this thought with your previous advice about ‘living in the present moment’ and ‘forgetting the past and ‘not worrying about the future’ I instantly started to feel more attractive again! (so it really does work!)

    • Halina May 6, 2015, 7:40 pm

      Hi Serenity,

      How inspiring to read about your creative way of working with these questions – and I’m so glad you enjoy the different layers of you they let you discover. You brought a smile on my face for sure!

      We cannot always forget our past (and we don’t have to) and we cannot always stop worrying about the future (and that’s Okay too) but we can be present with whatever we feel or think! :-)

  • Serenity May 6, 2015, 8:07 am

    ps. Halina as a subscribed member here I have just listened to your beautiful voice which is very comforting, soothing, reassuring and encouraging!
    It reflects your beautiful profile pic Halina! … (thankyou).

    • Halina May 6, 2015, 7:42 pm

      Thank you for your kindness…

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