“I don’t have to be safe to feel safe, I always feel safe at my core.” ― Jay Woodman
Note: Below is an almost word-to-word transcript of this video.
Let’s talk about loneliness, but from a different perspective than it’s often being talked about. Because the most common way to approach it or to speak about it is as an absence of someone else; and really an absence of love.
This is something that I have and will be addressing in different ways along the way, but today I want to speak about loneliness as an absence of safety, as not feeling safe in the world.
I’m not sure if this is something that you’re aware of and I’m not even sure how and where I was aware of it back when I felt lonely. And yet the feeling was there.
It was there as…
- a sense of being a stranger in the world
- not belonging in the world
- not feeling protected by the world
- not feeling protected by life.
Because these things come together.
The sense of feeling protected and safe is closely related to the sense of belonging.
We have these expectations that when we belong to a family or a community, then this family or this community will protect us.
Because there is this often unconscious sense of the world being a dangerous place and life being a dangerous journey. And therefore, there’s the need to be protected from those dangers, and also the feeling of not being able to protect yourself, and so needing the protection of others.
You see, when we arrive on this planet, whether we like it or not, we arrive in the land of fear.
If not right away, then at some point and typically within the first three years, there will be a growing experiences of fear.
It may be rational or not rational. There might be all kinds of great reasons for that, or maybe no reason. But no matter the specific circumstances…
Fear is a significant part of the human experience.
While it doesn’t mean that we have to stay in fear the entirety of our lives, in my experience it is something that we struggle with or try to overcome, or work with for perhaps most of our lives.
I know that I’ve done this a lot along the way and there are still experiences that can trigger my fear and will trigger my fear.
That’s natural, I think, for most of us. The thing that can be confusing is this idea we have, that fear is something outside of us and the protection against the dangers that we imagine is also outside of us. Which can be true to a certain degree, but then again… maybe not?
There are obviously different ways to deal with fear, just like there are different ways of dealing with loneliness. My way is to find solutions within. Partly because that’s natural for me and it is is something that I feel I can contribute with. And also because I feel that
- The inner solution is something that no one can ever take away from you.
- The inner solution is something that you can never lose.
- The inner solution makes you independent.
Just like I find that the resolution of the yearning for love is to find it within, which then enables you to share it with others as well… In the same way I find that the resolution of the fear of the world and the search for protection is within.
The more you can feel connected with yourself, your own source of love, your own source of existence, the more you can connect with other people too.
And the more you feel connected with other people, the more you will experience that you do belong to this world; that this is your world.
And therefore, you will feel more and more safe, and more and more protected. And it kind of reinforces itself.
This is just a short introduction and I expect I’ll be sharing much more about it and in more specific ways it in the future. But today, I wanted to kind of start it by asking you some questions for a change. I would be grateful, if you would share the answers with us here, but most important I think is that you ask yourself those questions and find some answers within and see where that takes you.
Three questions for you
- When do you feel a need for safety or a need for protection? When do you not feel safe in this word or in your life?
- Since we all do experience fear, what do you do about it? How do you try to avoid fear?
- Have you found a way from fear to peace? From feeling vulnerable to feeling empowered? From feeling endangered to feeling safe? What is it?
Again, the most important thing is that you ask yourself those questions and see if some answers come up. But if you would like to share your answers or your observations, or more questions, please do so below. Thank you!