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Big hearts can feel lonely too

I just came home from a retreat with a big group of transformational teachers from around Europe. It was wonderful! It was profoundly inspiring, it was life-changing, and it was also warm and cozy and fun… I loved it! And…

There were at least 4 people there (and probably more) who in the midst of it all experienced moments of loneliness. How unexpected that was! How was it even possible to feel lonely while being surrounded by such big hearts (and having one too)?

The immediate explanation would have been that there was a significant number of participants that came to the retreat with partners or friends. In this way this retreat could be experienced as several smaller groups, not always easy to join.

I experienced that not-easy-to-join feeling too in a few situations, and that surprised me greatly. Why there, of all places, and what was really going on? Was there, perhaps another layer to it?

I’m sure there were several other layers at play there but let me just share one:

We believe that for us to connect and share our heart we are dependent on other people’s permission and willingness to do the same.

We believe it, because that’s how we are conditioned. It’s a belief, nothing more. And this belief prevents us from sharing our love and connecting freely and naturally.

Even if, unlike that belief,  the reality is that we come to this world as pure love, sharing itself with everyone and everything around!

But then, the human journey as such has a certain logic to it, a certain plan to it. And it seems to be part of that plan that we disconnect from our loving nature.

We have our hearts broken long before we know the words for it.  We become vulnerable and fearful, in need of acceptance and approval, desperately in need of love from others.

We forget that we are love

And as we forget, we convince ourselves that love has left us. We learn to look for it outside of ourselves instead.

This first and most defining loss is so deep, that even if we eventually do re-connect with ourselves, there are still scars from that early wound, shadows that we may not even be aware of.

And so, as we attend a retreat like the one I just experienced, with a high level of energy and light, whatever pain is still in the heart will be pushed from the shadow and into the light. 

Even if it doesn’t feel good at all to feel lonely when you expected to feel that you belonged, this is in fact a good thing.

This is an opportunity to heal

If you do any kind of spiritual work, whether it is as a teacher, healer, speaker, artist or practitioner, your heart is your most important “tool”. You cannot do the work without being centered in your heart.

In other words, whatever is still standing in the way of your love needs to be embraced and healed so that you can be love again.

Love doesn’t need permission. Love doesn’t need approval. Love doesn’t need accept. Love doesn’t need measuring. Love doesn’t need reciprocity because it already recognizes itself in everyone and everything.

All love wants is to flow and to shine, freely. 

Let it flow.

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